The Test

I sat in the exam room, finding it extremely difficult to be patient while waiting for the test results. I looked around the room, desperately trying to find anything that would help distract me for a few more minutes. How long does a test take? My husband, seated in the chair next to me, looked very calm. How could he be so calm? The results of this test would change our lives and he was acting as if it didn't matter. But I already knew the results of the test.
In fact, I've know for about a week now. The symptoms were all there, easily recognizable. If I had only had one or two I wouldn't have bother with any of the tests, but most of them were there so I needed to know. So, I took a test at home. It says to wait three minutes before looking at the results. I never knew three minutes could take so long. Finally, I looked. It was there, though very faint, barely visible against the white background. "I think it's positive," I told my husband, who again seemed completely indifferent to the whole process. He came in and looked at it. "It looks like it," he told me and smiled, "but I think you should take one tomorrow morning, just to be sure."
As he drove me to class all I could think about was the result of the test. I don't want to wait until tomorrow to find out for sure; I need to know now! I somehow convinced him to talk to the doctor about moving up my appointment from Tuesday to today. I couldn't wait the entire weekend to know. I wanted an official test so I could be one-hundred percent sure of the result.
As I sat in class that day I had a hard time concentrating. I kept thinking about that result. If it was positive why was it so light? Are my husband and I really ready for this step? My husband sent me a text message saying they would squeeze me in today right after my class. One o'clock couldn't come fast enough. It was one of those days where time actually seemed to stand still, almost to move backwards. Finally the class was over. I grabbed my stuff and rushed out the door on my way to the doctors.
Waiting alone in the waiting room was almost unbearable. I kept looking at the clock, waiting for them to call my name. The assistant walked out front. "Megan" he called. Finally, it was my turn. He took me back and performed the usual routine--weight, blood pressure, temperature, the questions (are you taking any medications?, are you allergic to anything?). Then they had me take another test. As I left to go take it my husband showed up, which was a relief because I couldn't have faced it alone. there was to much weighing on the results of this test.
The door creaked when it opened, causing me to jump. The short, plump doctor with graying hair came into the room and quickly closed the door behind her. "Congratulations!" she said. A wave of excitement came over me, quickly followed by fear. I smiled at her and then at my husband, knowing that from this point on our lives would never be the same.

The Trip

When I was about ten or eleven years old, my family and I went up to Flaming Forge on a rafting trip. We had to rent the equipment from a little shop, since we didn't own any (in fact, this was the first time the entire family was going rafting together). As the man was getting our stuff together, my parents asked him if the river was safe for children. As a small child I didn't hear or understand a lot of what he said, but what I did overhear scared me. He told my dad that most of the river was safe, there was just one part you had to be careful for. Then, being easily distracted, I walked away to look at something else.
As we walked down to the river I had nervous and excited butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't wait to get out on the river. As we started down the river, I couldn't seem to sit still. i turned this way and that, looking at the beautiful scenery. As the sun got brighter and hotter in a matter of minutes, I wished the trees would bend over the river and provide us shade, instead of providing shade for the empty shore.
As we neared the first set of rapids, I remember being scared and excited (though more scared than excited). As I bounced over the rapids with the raft, I got a face full of spray. I wiped my face as the raft settled back down onto the now smooth river. I was having a lot of fun. But then it happened.
As we neared one set of rapids my parents quickly surveyed the situation. On the side the flowed in to, there was a rock wall with an indentation making a very shallow cave. The rock looked bumpy, and I remember thinking that if we hit that wall the raft would pop. On the other side was the shore where the water was shallower and flowed much slower. In the middle was a gigantic rock, forcing all rafters to choose one side or another. My dad decided to head toward the shallow shore side and my mom wanted to follow the flow of the river. As we got closer my little sister and I tightly grabbed onto the rope at the front of the raft, something we had done through every rapid, while my brother moved back between my parents.
With my mom going one way and my dad going the other we ended up turning around. My dad quickly changed his mind about going toward the shore and started paddling toward the rock wall with my mom, desperate to get us turned around. We almost got straitened out but it was too late. We hit the rock. The boat got caught somehow and my sister and I fell out of the raft. I was able to hold onto the rope, but my sister, being four or five at the time, lost her grip and started floating down the river, aided by her life jacket. My dad leapt out of the raft after my sister and my mom got out and helped me. The only person who remained in the raft (and consequentially, dry) was my younger brother. My mom and I stood in the river, watching my dad struggling with my little sister, trying to keep both their heads above water with little help from his life jacket.
Luckily, three guys on a fishing trip, in a real boat, had seen what had happened. They had quickly paddled down the river to help my dad. They called out to my dad to hand up my little sister and he, reluctantly, handed up my terrified, screaming little sister. Another man then helped my dad into the boat. Once we knew they were safe, my mom and I started walking toward the shore, leaving my brother in the raft. We took about four steps when we heard my brother yell, in a somewhat terrified voice, "Wait for me mommy" and started to climb out of the raft. My mom immediately turned around and said, "Stay there, do not get out of the raft. I'll be right back for you." She got me to shore then went back for my brother and the raft.
The three men pulled the boat up onto the shore with us, and handed my little sister down to my mom. They offered up a ride to the take-out point which my mom and us kids gladly took. My dad and one of the men took the raft, since we were a little apprehensive about getting back in the raft. The ride in the boat was much more enjoyable, and much less scary. The men gave us towels to help us dry off, and even gave us each a soda to help us feel better. It was one trip I will never forget.

Journal Entry 2

I think I am pregnant, but I don't know for sure. I have all the usual symptoms, morning sickness, tender breasts, frequent urination, and today I have had a headache. I don't think I want to know either way. If I am pregnant I know that I'll have to go through a lot more of these symptoms, plus a bunch of others. But if I'm not it will make me sad because I would like a baby. James seems so indifferent either way, it's kind of irritating. I just don't know what to think. I'm going in for a test on Tuesday, I guess I'll find out then for sure. I just wish there was an easier way to have a baby. I think it will be cool to have one, although it will be a lot of work, especially with school, but the whole idea seems to have made me happier. I like the idea of having a little person who loves you and looks up to you. It won't be like at the daycare where most of the kids tend to be brats. It will be fun, I hope.

Unity

I don't understand why everyone is always so angry. People seem to get angry over the dumbest things. In this crappy world, we should be friends. We need to hold on to one another because if we don't have our friends who do we have. Times are hard for everyone, and if we can all stick together instead of tearing each other down maybe our lives would be a little easier.

Journal Entry

"I have been so sad lately and I'm not sure why. Classes are very overwhelming. I'm frustrated because I have never had a problem with handling my classes. It is only the second week and I am so tired and worn out. I feel like all I ever do is work on homework. If I'm not working on it I am constantly worrying about it. Then there is work. My job is driving me absolutely crazy. I hate taking the blame for other people's mistakes. It is so irksome that parents get mad at me when I wasn't even with their kid all day. Then the problem with the checks is absolutely ridiculous. It doesn't take two months to sort out a bank problem. So I put in my two weeks, but I don't know if it will actually happen. I don't care anymore though. I have to concentrate on school because I can't afford to fail any of my classes. It still worries me though, because I am constantly sick. I wake up in the mornings and my stomach hurts and my head hurts. I have just been depressed. It has gotten so bad that sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed in the mornings. I feel like I am completely losing control of my life, and I have no idea how to regain control again. I feel so alone. I've wanted to talk to James about this stuff, but I have worried him so much already, first with being sick, then with that caffeine freak-out. I just love him so much I don't want him to worry about me. I just wish I knew what to do. Then we are trying to have a baby. I am extremely worried about that because I don't always want to be sad around my child--I feel bad enough being sad around James. I just keep telling myself that I need to take it one day at a time. Just get through this one assignment or just be happy through this one class. I feel like my life is turning into a lie!!"
That was the saddest page on Melissa's journal. She quickly ripped it up so no one else would see. Her husband and family were already worried enough about her, she doesn't want to put them through more pain. As she dropped the tiny pieces of paper into the garbage can, she felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. She quickly blinked them away, forced a smile onto her face, and walked downstairs to the dinner table where the rest of her family was waiting for her.

Tractor Parade

The day was hot. It was only ten in the morning, but the sun beat upon you like the waves on the shore. Jessica was loading up her car, anxious to get on the road to college. She was sick of the little town she had lived in all her life. Nothing interesting ever happened, and if it did it was never to her. Her friends were gone, off to big colleges in other states, they had left the year before. Now, finally it was her turn. She had decided to take the year off to help her grandparents. Both were very old and very frail, so they needed a lot of looking after. Somehow her aunt had talked her into staying, to the detriment of her relationship with her parents. Her father was a farmer, he had taken over his grandfather's farm about ten years ago. Her mother was a farmer's wife, which included the duties of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. Both her parents put a high emphasis on education, since neither one went to college - they wanted better for their children. Her parents were furious when she decided to stay to take care of her grandparents, and hadn't really talked to her the entire year. Now that she was on her way, her father became very chatty, and her mother very weepy.
As she stuffed one more bag into the already full car, she heard the familiar sound of a tractor. She glanced back, expecting to see her father firing up the tractor to start the day's harvest. However, the tractor stood still and her father was nowhere in sight. She glanced toward the highway, not expecting to see anyone (no one ever drove down the road unless they were lost or looking for one of the few families that lived beyond their house). What a surprise. Jessica saw the different tractors, all lined up before a police escort, each as different as the person driving them. Some were a bright red and green, bought either this year or the year before. Others were old and worn, rusted from being left out when a sudden rainstorm kicked up out of nowhere. Most had flags attached to them on one side of the seat. Others had umbrellas propped up above the chair, giving their owners some relief from the sun and the heat.
Jessica watched for a few moments as the tractors continued up the road, one after another. She smiled and shook her head. "Only in Bayton." she mumbled under her breath as she closed the car door and went back to the house to say goodbye to her family.